I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
