I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
