i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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