He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
