I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
