We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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