Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
