Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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