you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
