just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
