I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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