fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
