I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
