peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
