oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
