ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
