oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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