Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
