it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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