I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
