I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
