As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
