Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
