I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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