508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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