I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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