I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
