now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
