I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
