So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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