He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
