Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
