Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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