dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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