$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
