yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
