Don't make out with my wife yet
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
