So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
