Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
