I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
