Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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