Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
