I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
