Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
