Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
