apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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