$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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