At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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