He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
