I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
