please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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