We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
