I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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